...like literally?

Been crying loads lately. Feel like such a loser recently....like...I blacked out today? My very first time? AND I DIDN'T EVEN USE ANY MEMORY POWER FOR THIS TEST! its a bloody open book test but we hardly had the time to open the dumb book! I was so pressed for time, so worried, rushed and .....i just blanked.

it wasn't a good feeling man.

I was so shock that I blanked, I continued to blanked even after the test. I'm really sucha goner. Plus it doesn't help that I under-dose a patient yesterday. That's like suicidal or something....I should have trust my instincts and not my brain. My brain really isn't functioning well recently. Lucas thinks I'm too stressed. I think I'm not working the right way. So what's correct? I been really hardworking and even prayed every single bloody day but I seriously think god took leave for vacation or something. Either that, the way I'm praying is totally not reaching them.

I'm loosing faith mom. I can't help it. Is there any way I can continue my faith? They kind of abandon me....? I really don't want to abandon them either....but is there any way they can show me signs of them being here for me? Like a miracle on my results or something?

I need a miracle.

I need to focus correctly and try to reach my goal.

But for now...it looks impossible.

:'(

i read somewhere on some self help.com that blogging helps. im not sure if i feel better now...but i get so depressed that even in my dreams, im dreamt of me scolding myself. :'(

Wednesday, November 03, 2010
0 comments