Sorry for the depressing posts lately. Not exactly am the most elated person in the world recently.

This is gona be one busy and depressing month although I know this should be the happiest month for this last half of the year (next to my birthday that is). However, this is a month that brings back the constant pain that plague me since…well, I can’t remember. I understand you’re probably confounded by my constant twirling of subjects without a fix one in mind (cus that’s on purpose..duh!). So just pardon me for leading you in circles without the end in sight.

“Sometimes, the people whom you grow up with may not necessary be your closest kin. The wall can be so high but yet filled with holes for you to stay somehow... connected.”

Oh gawd..I should be feeling so darn happy this month. What’s with the Christmas spirit in the air, the end is nearing and there’s like a ton of gatherings and parties this month but yet I’m feeling otherwise. I’m almost nearing the spirit of the scrooge instead (not in the sense of monetary but more of the spirit)! Christmas spirit just ain’t working its magic on me although I’ve already started xmas shopping weeks ago. This ain’t fair! Aren’t it supposed to be “Joy is to one who gives”? Santa is obviously not working his magic on me!

Just ask the lonely
They know the hurting pain
Of losing the love
You can never regain
Just ask the lonely

The young and foolish
Who laugh at love and slowly run away
Confident and sure that fate
Will bring another love their way

But ask the lonely
How vainly a heart can yearn
For losing a love
That will never return
Just ask the lonely

-Just ask the lonely, Vonda Shepard

So where are you santa?

Ok, I know I'm repeating myself by drowning you guys in self-misery. (It's not that I wanted it! I can't help it!)

Oh well.

I don't know if this is helping things much although sometimes maybe we should just end it quick and clean. You know, no strings attached kind of thing? I don't know if I can even last that long, this coming 2 weeks seem like hell or something. The worst? I feel like I'm stuck in an hourglass with only occasional visitors at given time. Something much like a jail. Kind of felt like hell with this in-between feeling. Not here, not there. Want things to move forward but hope time can slow down during the desired moments.

I'll be so lonesome without you
Maybe you'll be lonesome too
And blue

Fly the ocean in a silver plane
See the jungle when it's wet with rain
Just remember 'til you're home again

-You belong to me, Vonda Shepard

I want/need/wish for a perfect life.

Fat hope.

Tomorrow is the deciding factor day. I hope all things turn out well and let it end my torture.

Wish me luck!

I don't know which is more scary. Time flitting pass like there's no tomorrow or days that drag on till you'll be wondering if Mr clock is even working at all. Weekends are all so surreal. Sometimes I don't even know if I did spent my weekend at all as it felt just like a good dream. Everyday feels like monday. I don't know when time starts and stops anymore. Work is fine, like the process of things but hate the small insignificant androids that kind of ruin things. Do I look like a pushover? Or am I just being too easy and withdrawn? I guess I'll never know.

Life is a headache. I don't know what I want anymore.

"You turn around and life's passed you by
You look to ones you love to ask them why
You look to those you love to justify
You turned around and life's passed you by
Passed you by again"

Can I be a hermit?

I'll post happier times soon. Like the bintan trip, class gatherings and lomo outings I went recently... =)

Ok. Am abit pissed with how my life is going on recently. Makes one wonder if one can choose the life they want, what would they want? For me, I think something simple like security would be nice.

Security as in...
-finance security
-personal security
-inter-relationships security
- And the most important, emotional security.

Gosh, please don't start thinking I'm some insecured freak. I just don't get why some people are just soooo lucky and protected while some of us just get bashed up like a football in a scurry of mad mens.

*Sighs*

"Take it as training." That's the best comfort I can give myself. What's a few more years to go (like 80 or something?) when I've already survived till this very crazy age of 21. Oh gawd, now I really want to cry! Hahahahah...

"Smile and the world smile with you, cry you must but must be with a smile" Mask up everyone!


It's Lucas POP tomorrow. Gosh! I'm so proud of him! Platoon best! Hahahah....I'm soooo surprised! Too bad, the award is not in my name, or I'll be even happier! Muahahahahahha

THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR THE PRESENTS, WELL WISHES AND DROPPING BY MY BIRTHDAY PARTY!!!! (sorry for those that weren't invited as I've got limited space. It's just a tiny gathering with some mates and family. Sorry!)

Anyway, I still have to give my thanks! The presents, cake, events, planning, decorations, food ....were FABULOUS! Thank you SK, Michelle, Zann and mommy for everything! You guys made all possible! Thank you! Thank you!

I shan't talk much. Below are some pictures...most are on facebook. Check out my profile or my pictures from there to see more crazy photos.

So before the party...there was the hustle and bustle of decorating in lightning speed...


When the party started, presents just kept pouring in showers...


Of course I bought myself a mini (or pocket-bursting-i-have-to-survive-on-purely-bread-and-water-for-a-year) birthday gift for myself..Nevertheless, I never did regret. It was the best investment ever!


Not forgetting the cake which I designed in "5" painstaking minutes...


Of course, the party continued...


And continued...


To the point whereby people sleep in odd roasted chicken-like positions...and plastic bags become a fashionable must-have blanket...


LOLX...anyway, thanks everyone for making it a blast! Perfect presents, well wishes and everything else! Thanks!

Sidetrack: OMG! I'm gona be an aunt soon!!!