As I stared at the ceiling, the very same one which I stared disbelieving months ago, to ask myself "Have 3 months passed already?"
Well, apparently it had.
Every time I stoned and stared at the sight that's right in my face, I can't help but ponder "Is this real?" With each wonder, my mind gets lost further in translation. It's as if I'm having an out of body experience, with the exception, I really am here. Now that my time of comfort is dwindling, I can't help but to feel dismay. Pictures of the joy I had 3 months ago seemed as if they were taken from another holiday. I guessed that's just part of me trying to lie to myself "naaaa...your holidays can't be gone just yet?" However, when upon closer look, realization crashes down like a hammer on a gravel. Reality is cruel after all....
To let go of this horrible monster that seem to be clutching at all last shred of comfort, one must convince themselves using the following:
"This would be a better semester!"
"It's only 4 months!"
"Your friends are waiting for you!"
"Your darling Mr colt is waiting for you!"
"Awww come on you chicken! This semester is gona be a blast, in a flash it would be gone!"
The last one seemed to work pretty well for now........let's hope this "cheerfulness" stays.
Like what I like to say and nothing applies better than anything.... "Siansationnnnn"
This is freaky...I really think songs mould a person's personality...cus I just realized that my personality matches this song that I listened to while I was growing up....to a "T"....*freaky*
Robbie Williams: Feel
Come on hold my hand, I wanna contact the living. Not sure I understand, This role I’ve been given.
I sit and talk to god And he just laughs at my plans, My head speaks a language, I don’t understand.
I just wanna feel real love, Feel the home that I live in. ’cause I got too much life, Running through my veins, going to waste.
I don’t wanna die, But I ain’t keen on living either. Before I fall in love, I’m preparing to leave her. I scare myself to death, That’s why I keep on running. Before I’ve arrived, I can see myself coming.
I just wanna feel real love, Feel the home that I live in. ’cause I got too much life, Running through my veins, going to waste.
And I need to feel, real love And a life ever after. I cannot get enough.
I just wanna feel real love, Feel the home that I live in, I got too much love, Running through my veins, going to waste.
I just wanna feel real love, In a life ever after There’s a hole in my soul, You can see it in my face, it’s a real big place.
Come and hold my hand, I wanna contact the living, Not sure I understand, This role I’ve been given
Not sure I understand. Not sure I understand. Not sure I understand. Not sure I understand.
I don't feel alright in spite of these comforting sounds you make.
I don't feel alright because you make promises that you break.
Into your house, why don't we share our solitude?
Nothing is pure anymore but solitude.
It's hard to make sense, feels as if I'm sensing you through a lens.
If someone else comes, I'd just sit here listening to the drums.
Previously I never called it solitude.
And probably you know all the dirty shows I've put on.
Blunted and exhausted like anyone.
Honestly I tried to avoid it.
Honestly.
Back when we were kids, we would always know when to stiop.
And now all the good kids are messing up.
Nobody has gained or accomplished anything.
This is terrible. I'm having withdrawal symptoms from Lucas's visit. I really, REALLY hate this. I must set a new rule next time for visitors... "Only to visit after my exams" so that we can all go home together and I would not suffer from any withdrawal symptoms!
sighs....I miss lucas... cus with him...
-my bowels are much cleaner with the astonishing amount of fruits he cut for me whenever we come home after dinner
-im more well fed cus he would prepare desserts for me after my shower
-i wont ever get lost cus he would prepare my gps for me
-i feel safer cus he would help me look out for things that I am unaware of
-have someone carry heavy stuff like groceries for me
-have someone greeting me when I'm home
-someone to fill my water flask for me
-I look forward to going home cus it would means we are going for an adventure after school
-someone to talk to me in the room other than my computer/ipod
-a warmer that do not incur extra electricity cost (ahahahaha)
-someone that greets me when I wake up.
I know all these sounds like i'm describing a maid/machine/pet. However, really...he was really THERE for me. It's these little things that matters and leave a mark behind. I kept having flashbacks of "I was just here last week to pick him up"...or "we did that together"...what didn't make things better is that he left videos and tiny notes all over my room to remind me that yes, he did come and I wasn't dreaming....this is terrible. :(
I guess I would just have to live it and suck it up.
"Be a man! Do the Right Thing" - Russell godknewwhathislastnamewas.